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Lifestyle Motherhood

35 Things My Kids Should Know About Me

35 things my kids should know about me

As my pregnancy advances and I begin to consider my future as a mother I find myself wondering how things will change. How I will change. What are some things my kids should know about me? Will I pull from the invisible well of strength that all mothers seem to have? Perhaps I’ll be guided by some sort of inner knowledge that will unravel and unlock as I need it most. But who will I be?

While considering very important things like if I’ll ever enjoy a cigarette and a glass of wine again I realized that it might be important to document some things my kids should know about me. Maybe when my kid reads it for the first time they’ll feel enlightened. Or maybe, much like a child, they’ll brush it off as lame. I don’t know and I don’t really care—that’s a thing about me.

  1. I’m terrified of spiders.
  2. I had to steal my high school diploma because of a mistaken late fee on a textbook I had returned.
  3. I change my mind a lot.
  4. Sometimes what I think and how I feel aren’t the same.
  5. I love the smell of black & mild cigars, they remind me of being a kid.
  6. I used to think people would find me more interesting if I liked what they liked. It turns out the opposite is true. Be the voice, not the echo.
  7. I’m still afraid of the dark.
  8. I wish I was closer to my mom.
  9. I’ve never felt stronger than when I was pushing my body in the gym and I’ve never felt more in tune with myself than when I was pregnant.
  10. Sometimes I don’t like who I am, I wish I was more tolerant and forgiving.
  11. I’ve never met a better person than your father. That’s why I married him and why I chose him to be your dad.
  12. I’m passionate about people, when someone needs help I will drop almost anything to figure it out.
  13. Once my underwear was showing while I was sitting in the cafeteria in 7th grade. I was sooo embarrassed. Now, I couldn’t even estimate the number of people I’ve mooned, your ideas will change.
  14. Nothing is better to me than a cup of coffee, a good book, and the rain.
  15. I hate it when people smack their mouth when they chew.
  16. For me, the hardest part of growing up was learning to handle being wrong and admitting it with dignity and grace. I’m still working on it and growing all the time.
  17. I wish I didn’t have stage fright. I would love to perform.
  18. Halloween is my favorite holiday, Christmas is a close second.
  19. I’ve thought I looked fat in every photo ever taken of me.
  20. I’m certain the earth is round.
  21. My favorite part of my body is my back, it’s strong and gives me the ability to do everything that I do.
  22. I wish I was better at outdoor stuff, I fantasize a bit about being a survivalist.
  23. I also fantasize about secretly being really good at martial arts.
  24. As a toddler, I used to tell people I lived at Target.
  25. This might not come as a surprise, but I’m very contrary and confrontational. Hopefully, you’ve learned a measured temper from your dad.
  26. I can barely snap my fingers. It’s one of my biggest shames.
  27. As a child, my favorite ice cream flavor was “green.” My parents would test the theory by giving me both pistachio and mint chip. I couldn’t tell the difference and loved them both.
  28. The first time something “blew my mind” was when I was six and I was informed I didn’t have to take off my dress to pee, I could just pull up the skirt.
  29. Han shot first
  30. Kid horror stories really fucked me up. I’m still afraid of something licking my hands or feet if I let them hang off the bed.
  31. I’ve marched against war and for human/ civil/ women’s/ gay rights whenever I could.
  32. I never could be told what to think or who to be. I hope you inherited that, though I’m sure I’ll regret saying that.
  33. At the time of your birth, I was able to express complex thoughts and emotions exclusively through the use of emojis and KIMOJIs. It’s vintage, look it up.
  34. I’m really good at doing anything with my hands and I enjoy handicrafts.
  35. I’m an animal lover through and through.

I’m sure one day there will be a follow-up post including a great deal more things my kids should know about me. What are some things your kids should know about you?

Lifestyle Motherhood

Family Life: Expectations VS Reality

Before the birth of your first child, how did you imagine life looking? Which expectations lined up with reality? If you’re honest, I’ll bet a fair amount threw you for a loop. This was definitely the case for me. Our family life expectations vs reality are sometimes two different worlds. Especially as a new parent.

You can’t know, in the months leading up to their arrival, who your child will actually be, and how you’ll actually respond to them. They are their own person, with preferences and opinions about the world you’ve spent hours cultivating specifically for them. Our babes do not always agree. Whether we like it or not.

In the nine months since my daughter was born, I’ve eaten my share of crow. Therefore, I write this to expose a glimpse into my truth. Whether you’ve been here and totally relate, are on the cusp of new parenthood, or (like I used to) enjoy a good laugh at parents’ expenses, behold my Family Life: Expectations VS Reality:


Expectation: My baby will eat only fresh/organic/no sugar/no additives/low sodium food, prepared with love, from scratch.

Reality: Who has time for that? Seriously? Parenting is a busy job, and sometimes, cubes of cheese is all my daughter will eat. At least she’s not hungry, right?

no vegetables expectations vs reality


Expectation: No TV until they are at least 2 years old.

Reality: Sorry, not sorry. My daughter loves Sesame Street. Using Elmo and the gang as entertainment so I can eat/shower/clean/do laundry/pay bills/finally call my mom back/go to the bathroom solo, is a needed reprieve. I play and engage all throughout the day, but Mama needs a goddamn break.

no TV expectations vs reality


Expectation: Days will be occupied with reading and educational toys.

Reality: I dreamed up BIG expectations about play time. We built our daughter a little library, sectioned out toys based on her age. Turns out, she could not care less about reading. In fact, books seem to annoy her. And the favorite “toys” are TV remotes and a set of plastic measuring cups. Not sure what exactly those teach, other than “this goes pretty far back in my mouth.”

childs library expectations vs reality


Expectation: I will not raise my voice at my kid.

Reality: I think children are born with an uncanny ability to test your patience. Occasionally, I react loudly. I lose my temper because I need her to “just give me a fucking break.” I’m human. To be fair, sometimes I raise my voice for safety. But more than likely, I’m saying “no,” which is my daughter’s least favorite word.

parent losing cool expectations vs reality


Expectation: We’ll create a magical nighttime routine to help baby wind down and sleep through the night.

Reality: Bath time, reading, singing songs, all the typical sleepy time routines, rile up my daughter. “Oh, these silly parents. I see where they are going with this, but I WILL FIGHT. YOU CANNOT NOT CONTROL ME. Also, I plan on waking at least every two hours all night long, so best of luck.”

crying baby expectations vs reality


Expectation: I’ll be a cool parent.

Reality: My baby is too young for me to embarrass her just yet. But wearing sweatpants in public in your 30s is cool, right? And “Baby on Board” signs? What about memorizing the PBS kid’s show songs?

cool mom expectations vs reality


Expectation: Instagram Parenting.

Reality: Whatever social media teaches us about what parenting looks like, the reality is definitely not perfect. Life isn’t one big photoshoot (though photoshoots with my baby are the most fun). I enjoy posting sweet moments, milestones, and funny glimpses into our life. That being said, I’m for sure not pulling out the camera when I’m covered in shit or my daughter is losing her mind because “no you can’t have that, its not for babies.”

fit expectations vs reality


Expectation: My house will stay clean and organized.

Reality: Sometimes. This is only sometimes true.

organized house expectations vs reality


Expectation: I will take time for myself.

Reality: My personal time is napping with my daughter (or laying down with her when she falls asleep and rewatching “Parks and Recreation” because it’s the greatest show). Driving the long route home from the grocery store to hear the end of that song I love. Reading instead of tackling the dirty dish pile. Personal time is about taking care of yourself, however you define it.

me time expectations vs reality


Expectation: I will love my child.

Reality: The love is beyond measurement.

love expectations vs reality

At the end of the day, parenting requires flexibility. Going with the flow, and whatnot. Family life is surprising, glorious, messy, and unpredictable. Laugh off what you can because it’s the most beautiful experiment in which you don’t know all the rules. Embrace the chaos. Learn to love reality not meeting your expectations because family life is so much better than what you imagined.